my journey to remain
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I have no face I’m just a number Where is my place In Britain‘s Brexit blunder? I want to go home But where do I belong? I came in the 90s from a country That does no longer exist It went to be united With the part that was not communist Is home by the Baltic Sea Or in the mountains Where I love to ski? Or is it on an island out west Where Gaelic put my English to the test? I was welcomed there Young and green To live and work in Scotland I was very keen I loved to ceilidh dance That and hill walking led to romance 25 years on and 3 children later I am still here And felt I belong But obviously I was wrong Thought I was so smart When I received my residency card Had given the details of 22 years of whereabouts Of when I was in the country and out Only to come back from a week away To find I have 3 days to say Here is more proof That in this country was my roof I the 5 years past- I really am aghast! The process is set to achieve That Europeans give up and leave After paying 2000 pound Which often can not easily be found I am just a number I have no name The sad thing is For many ‚vote leave‘ was just a game
”Those who already have permanent residence will have to reapply although the process will be as “streamlined” as possible.”- This is the statement that propels me to put down some more musings. Musing is possibly not the right word- because I am not in a state of contemplation or reflection or deliberation or rarely in celebration. I am bloody angry. I wish somebody would be brave enough to say: Let’s stop cutting our nose to spite our face.
After passing the language test I went to Dunfermline and lodged my citizenship application, paid my fee of £1282 and was told the process takes 4-6 months. Three weeks later I received a letter sending me to a specialist post office- this time in Dundee to have my biometrics taken- finger prints that is. Imagine my relief when the person behind the counter told me the machine had just got fixed 10 minutes ago. £19.95 later and I was wondering what if I had gotten somehow on the Interpol wanted list? This was followed by quiet hope when the passport office sent me a text the next day telling me by 24th June I would know if they either wanted more information or required me to come for interview or I would get my passport be then. I could not decide if the date had been chosen as commemoration of the Brexit vote date the year before or tied in somehow with my birthday. But surely the Home Office would not be that considerate to me personally- and it was not. Each day I drove home in quiet anticipation- Would my shiny British passport be waiting for me? (That is assuming I am allowed to join the nation and am not on the Interpol wanted list or not working hard enough in the NHS). But it was not. Imagine when the bell rang on my birthday and I lept to the door expecting the postie in his red polo shirt- and it was a friend- bringing me FLOWERS!
It is Monday today, the anticipated date passed and now I have read: ”Those who already have permanent residence will have to reapply although the process will be as “streamlined” as possible.”
Am I really back to the beginning? I feel my blood pressure going the same way as my stress level. I must admit I did look at at job adverts in Germany last week and am starting to wonder when this home will start to feel not like home anymore.
Whilst I was waiting
The TV showed the debating
Of the 27 EU states
Who are no longer Britain’s mates
They agreed for the negotiations (of)
Brexit to be ‘firm and fair’
Will things be less up in the air?
Money Britain needs to pay and
Allow European citizens to stay-
Then they took me into the examination patch
Locked away my Fitbit and watch
Rolled up my sleeves again
To see there was nothing written on my arms in pen
In another room airy and bright
My passport went under a light
To see if it was true
And my photograph was taken too
I had to count to ten twice
And show behind my ear was no hidden device
Whilst waiting for my interview call
I studied the world map on the wall
Little gems showed all the places
People had come from for examination of their language cases
The exam itself felt like a very nice chat
We talked about my life in Scotland and that
About skiing and Perth
And gave the Brexit topic a wide berth
The 10 minutes went quick
We got through the topics very slick
It felt almost like talking to a friend
Who with gladly time you spend
From the other room I collected my stuff
And hoped her marking would not be too tough
But hey hey hey
She gave me an ‘A’
I will add this document new
To my citizenship papers and
Attempt submission round two
Now I am back on the train
Just passing Dunblane
Back to Glasgow on the train
Beautiful countryside
Going past Dunblane
Here I go for another test
When can I give it a rest?
Now I am going to prove I speak the lingo
I have only once participated in bingo
But that is numbers in rhyme
I prefer rhyming words anytime
I have learnt about first pass the post
Become an expert at cooking a Sunday roast
And also learnt to love beans on toast
Don’t worry I will not bore you with dishes
I can demonstrate my ability talking even about fishes
I can talk about depression and anxiety
Or about parties and sobriety
My topic shall be my Scottish life
Which is mostly without strife
At least it was before Brexit
You already know I don’t want to exit
Even at school I loved learning other tongues
Finding out about words and songs
I find it quite compelling
To be correct in the art of spelling
I know when to use a hyphen or dash and manage not to make a language hash
Off I go- it has to be done
This is the end of part one
Only some people know today what they will be doing on Saturday. I am one of them. I will be sitting an English language test. I am angry and frustrated – not only there was no plan for Brexit- there is also no empathy or consideration for European citizens who have found themselves to be in the position to apply for citizenship. Note my use of English after almost 25 years in Britain, working in the NHS in a very language based job is excellent. Yet I will have to sit a GCSE type exam to prove I can speak the lingo. I have sat extensive exams and have supportive statements from the GMC and the Royal College of Psychiatrists- which count for nothing. I am very frustrated and disheartened by the process.
I might submit my blog to the Home Office with my application- but unfortunately I do not think anybody will care.
Whilst the outcome of the Brexit refendum left me paralysed for 7 months the announcement of a snap election on 8th June makes me feel like a coiled up spring. Since I made the decision to apply for British citizenship to be able to have a vote I have been on quite a roller-coaster ride; feeling positive with a hope of empowerment, then frustrated about having to provide evidence of my knowledge of this country- a knowledge that often is not present in people who have lived here all their life and are British citizens by birth. I have filled in forms and passed the ‘Life in the UK test’ and have just started to feel slightly calmer again because I have been able to make an appointment with the Nationality checking service. These appointments are quite rare to come by and the appointment i was given was three weeks hence. I am unsure whether only very few appointments are given out or if there is a big rush on them. Anyway there I was feeling quite calm as surely the next election was about two years or so away ans surely by then my quest would be resolved. Imagine how I felt when the snap election was announced- in seven weeks. I will not be able to vote. I do not think this will put me into paralysis again- but how will I be able to uncoil that wound up spring inside me? I am wondering how many European citizens who could not vote in the Brexit referendum will be able to vote in this general election. I regret a bit that I did not start my journey to citizenship sooner- but maybe thinking that my vote would make a difference is wishful thinking? I do hope there will be a big turn out and not voting malaise.
For all who ask
Am I British at last
I have to declare
I’m not yet there
The next challenge is
What gets me in a tizz
I have to wait
To get phoned with a date
To submit
My application for citizenship
The test is passed
It was a blast
What makes me feel bleak
Is how to prove that I can speak
Without having to sit another test-
I think my English is the best
Or maybe just quite good
Anyway I am not in the mood
It is the language I dream
And the one I use to scream
When I shed a tear
Or contemplate in fear
If I could
To the Home Office speak I would
To make them confess
They need people like me in the NHS
When things were rough
And there were not enough
Doctors and nurses around
From Europe they were found
Please let me stay
My English is okay
I have done as you asked
And seriously completed the task
I would like this process to be completed
At the citizenship ceremony be seated
Until I know if I have been successful
My life will continue to be quite stressful
